Highest of Highs, Lowest of Lows

The past few months have been a roller coaster.  I have never felt the way that I have been feeling EVER before.

Never before have I experienced the 3am panic attacks, the 1am crying phone calls to my sisters and BFF, and sleepless nights.  I am not sure it is the end of the relationship that I am so upset over, yes the end of a relationship especially a 4 year one, is difficult, what really makes this so hard, are all of the sacrifices I have made to be here with 'him' and I feel it was all for nothing.  Here I am on this island, with not many friends (most of my friends were his friends) only one family member. 

I guess it could be worse, but, here I am on this island, when back home, one of my best friends is expecting her first baby (which I will miss), my sister was in the hospital for one month before giving birth to her first who came 6 weeks early and was in the ICU for 2 weeks (which I also missed), 3 of my friends are getting married (not sure if I will be able to attend).  Huge changes have happened in my life and in the lives of the people I love the most and 'his' life continues as normal.  He has never left this island.  All the people that are nearest and dearest to him are here, his life has not changed so much, mine TONS. 

I hate that the sight of him brings me to tears and feels like a slap in the face, and that the thought of him dating someone else makes me want to vomit.  I cannot describe how I feel.  No one should ever have to feel like this.  Ever. 

So I have decided that I am going to think positively and make the most of it.  Everything happens for a reason, and Donnie did pick me out of a crowd!!  I hate to obsess over it, but I think that was the high I needed to help me get over this.  

Here's to not feeling so awful anymore and moving forward....  Stay tuned, I may just be all talk....


xoxo
Little a