The Road Not Taken

Flashback:
1995.  St. Marguerite Bourgeoys School.  Grade 7.  Mr. Abdilla's class.  Assignment: memorize and recite the poem provided in front of the class.  


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
--Robert Frost




I think next time, I will take the other one.

xoxo
Little A

Highest of Highs, Lowest of Lows

The past few months have been a roller coaster.  I have never felt the way that I have been feeling EVER before.

Never before have I experienced the 3am panic attacks, the 1am crying phone calls to my sisters and BFF, and sleepless nights.  I am not sure it is the end of the relationship that I am so upset over, yes the end of a relationship especially a 4 year one, is difficult, what really makes this so hard, are all of the sacrifices I have made to be here with 'him' and I feel it was all for nothing.  Here I am on this island, with not many friends (most of my friends were his friends) only one family member. 

I guess it could be worse, but, here I am on this island, when back home, one of my best friends is expecting her first baby (which I will miss), my sister was in the hospital for one month before giving birth to her first who came 6 weeks early and was in the ICU for 2 weeks (which I also missed), 3 of my friends are getting married (not sure if I will be able to attend).  Huge changes have happened in my life and in the lives of the people I love the most and 'his' life continues as normal.  He has never left this island.  All the people that are nearest and dearest to him are here, his life has not changed so much, mine TONS. 

I hate that the sight of him brings me to tears and feels like a slap in the face, and that the thought of him dating someone else makes me want to vomit.  I cannot describe how I feel.  No one should ever have to feel like this.  Ever. 

So I have decided that I am going to think positively and make the most of it.  Everything happens for a reason, and Donnie did pick me out of a crowd!!  I hate to obsess over it, but I think that was the high I needed to help me get over this.  

Here's to not feeling so awful anymore and moving forward....  Stay tuned, I may just be all talk....


xoxo
Little a

Best night ever!

So the NKOTB concert finally arrived.  I went with my friend SK and some of her friends.  We also met up with a girl called Leona, who is a friend of a friend and loves New Kids.  She bought a ticket but had no one to go with!!  (What is WRONG with people?!?!)  She was awesome!! Anyway, we got there and we all had the same MO-- GET AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE!!!!!

And we did, after some swift manoeuvring we managed to get right up to the front.  As we stood and watched local artist Jaicko perform, the guy beside me grabbed my arm to get my attention, I totally brushed him off with a dirty look, only to realize later that he had a press pass and was allowed backstage!!!!   UUUGGGHHHH!!!  *Mental note: be nicer next time!!*  screw up #1

Anyway, we watched The Barenaked Ladies (very good!) and then they arrived!!  I was SOOO excited, we were ALL SOO excited!!  We all had our fave guys and none of us were in competition since we all liked different ones.  :)  Throughout the concert I kept thinking that Jordan was making eye-contact with me, but dismissed it, and continued enjoying the show.  Then SK said, "Jordan keeps making eye-contact with you and I am SOOO jealous!!"    

Part way into the show, I put my camera away because we were so close and I felt bad that everyone was shoving cameras in their faces.

At one point, Donnie (MY FAVOURITE!!) made eye-contact with me and me made a 'me and you' motion and smiled at me....  Not sure if anyone else saw it, but I am sure it happened.  That was the first time I died....

At the end of the show, they all came up to the front and were shaking hands with the crowd etc.   Jordan came over and I didn't put my hand out since everyone around me was freaking, and he motioned for my hand and I gave it to him and he gave me a quick handshake and smile.  That was the second time I died...

Donnie was the last one to come over, and the same thing happened; everyone was shoving their hands/cameras in their faces or trying to grab him, I stayed put.
THEN, Donnie pointed at me, I wasn't sure who he was pointing at, so I gave a confused "me?!" look, and he said "yes you!"
That would be when
HE REACHED OVER LIKE 4 GIRLS GRABBED MY HAND AND HELD IT FOR AGES AND THEN SMILED AND WINKED AT ME!!!!!!!
I thought for sure I imagined it all, but then SK and Leona looked at me and said "OH MY GOD can you BELIEVE that just happened?!?!?!?"    
I really couldn't!!  I died for the third time.

We stayed at the concert for a bit longer and then left, we had some people to drive home, so by the time SK dropped me off at my house it was 1:15am.  We sat in the car in front of my flat debating whether or not to go to the after-party one of the crew told us about.  We decided against it (crazy I know!!) Screw up #2. because we thought it would already be too late.  Today, SK emailed me to let me know that someone she knows went to the party and it was mostly crew and band, but that around 2am two of the New Kids showed up!!  If we had left my house at 1:15 we would have arrived at the party around the same time!!
I could have made out with Donnie, I totally think he wanted to make out with me!!  :(

To make the night even better, one of SK's friends asked me how old I was, he guessed 19, he almost died when I told him I was 27 (well 4 months away from 27...) he even had the others guess, they all guessed 21 tops!  COULD THIS NIGHT GET BETTER?!?!?!

I woke up this morning on a high, then I saw 'him' and his dad.  'He' didn't talk to me.  My memories of Donnie were long lost and into misery I fell  :(   I called my BFF MN and told her about the events of the past 24 hours and why I was feeling so crappy.  Her response was "You wipe those tears and I don't want to hear it ever again! DONNIE picked YOU out of a crowd and smiled and winked at you!!  Tell 'him' to go shove it, clearly you are something special and he doesn't see it!!"  


I think she is right, now if only I could believe it.


xoxo
Little a

The stars are realigning

I talked to one of my best friends back in Canada last week.  That is what I needed-- some QT with some good friends.  Since returning from what should have been a relaxing trip to the UK, I began feeling even more miserable and lonely than before.
Anyway, after some pep talk from my WONDERFUL friend, she told me the age old line, "everything happens for a reason."    And slowly I am beginning to see, now if only I could believe....

One of the things that had me feeling the most miserable was knowing that I had given up my (kick-ass) job in Canada.  My WONDERFUL friend told me that because I resigned half-way through the school year, another one of our good friends was offered my job!  She is newly engaged and had not started planning her wedding yet because she was only in a contract position.

I was meant to resign so that my friend could get my job and begin her life and I could.....
Who knows what will happen next in my life, I can only hope that it will be something good.

But the plan already seems to be in motion, I just hope that it is Plan A, not Plan B  ;)

xoxo
Little a

It's all relative

Remember when you were 5 and someone wouldn't play with you at school?  It was the end of the world, and all the grown-ups around you brushed it off like it was no big deal, but, to you, the whole world was falling apart and all you wanted was someone to take you seriously.

Some things never change.

When you are depressed/happy/sad/angry/hurt/excited it's not fair when someone rains on your parade with their more depressing/happy/sad/angry/hurtful/exciting news or make you feel bad for feeling the way you do when there are people in the world who are better/worse off. 

Just because you have never had something catastrophic or super-amazing happen in your life does that make your experience less worthy of feeling that way? Does that make your situation less important than someone elses'?
 Because, to you it may well be the most catastrophic or super-amazing thing that has ever happened to you and sometimes there isn't anyone who will take you seriously.

xoxo
Little a

Elementary Watson....

You see, but you do not observe. The distinction is clear. -- Sherlock Holmes, A Scandal in Bohemia

The lady in the elevator. The street lamp with the burnt out bulb. The stain on the carpet. The lady that works at Tim Horton's. Your relationship. Your friends at dinner. Your colleague in the morning.

Have you ever talked to your taxi driver?

xoxo

Little a

"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers"

I am afraid of flying. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but somehow I became afraid and flying gives me serious anxiety, and yesterday I had to get onto a plane for 8h45mins to travel from Barbados to London.

I boarded the plane and found a nice woman sitting beside me. I told her that I might freak out during the course of the flight, she assured me that she does not get scared so that we would be a good match. We got settled and continued talking. She picked up the 'Duty Free Shopping' magazine and started to point cute stuff out to me. Before I knew it, I looked out the window and we were flying, she distracted me from the take off which is the part I fear the most.

As we talked, she asked what my story was and I told her that I was going to get a few days of fun with my friends after the crap month I had. When the turbulence hit, I didn't even have time to get scared because she had already called over the flight attendant to ask to show me a DKNY watch that she thought I had to have. Especially after I mentioned that my current watch was a gift from 'him.' As the flight attendant showed me the watch, the lady beside me told her why I needed a new time piece. The flight attendant could not believe it, and told me that I HAD to buy it. So I did! I bought it and put it away in my bag, the lady beside me said, "excuse me! what are you doing?! put that watch on right now!!" And so I did. And I have not taken it off. :) As we landed the flight attendant came over to tell me that she hoped I had a great time and that she didn't think I would be single for long. At this point, I really don't mind if I am....

So, who was that lady that was sitting beside me?! Her name was Romaine and she was in Barbados for 2 weeks visiting some friends she hasn't seen in years. I remember the number of seats that I turned down when checking in at the airport, did I know I was going to sit beside someone fabulous when I finally chose that one?

xoxo

Little a

When life hands you lemons....

Sometimes, it is just about the lemons and cleaning up after the lemonade.

xoxo

Little a