Priorities

For those people who say, "I can't. I have to work."
Your work doesn't define you.  It does not make you who you are.  Although your career is a majorly important aspect of your life- it shouldn't be your entire life.

Steve Jobs knows that.
"For all of his single-minded dedication to the company he built from the ground up, Jobs actually skipped a meeting to take  [his wife] Laurene on their first date: "I was in the parking lot with the key in the car, and I thought to myself, 'If this is my last night on earth, would I rather spend it at a business meeting or with this woman?' I ran across the parking lot, asked her if she'd have dinner with me. She said yes, we walked into town and we've been together ever since."  --Taylor Hatmaker, Tecca.com "9 Things You didn't Know about Steve Jobs"


Everyone is replaceable at work- but are they replaceable in your life?

Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss

A Means to An Ends

From July 2002 to February 2010, I have been in a relationship.  For a few short weeks in 2006 I was single between relationships.

Since the demise of the last relationship (2006-2010) I have often said (pretty much to anyone who'll listen) that I have wasted way too much time the past 8 years.  Everyone has assured me that no relationship is ever a waste- only an experience to get closer to finding what we really want.  No time is ever wasted.  Both of the relationships seemed to be moving to a specific end- settling down/marriage etc.  Clearly it didn't work out that way, but never the less, I am reassured that I did not waste any time. 

Then it got me thinking-- is every relationship a means to an end?  

I have recently started dating a new guy.  I am not sure if it will go down the long-term serious relationship road, but we really enjoy each other and being together, so we continue as we are. I take it day by day-- No labels, no titles, no pressure, no stress.  We just are.  And we are happy!  He is an amazing guy.  I couldn't ask for more.  He is everything that I want.

NOW this apparently (according to my trusty sources) IS a waste of time.  

How/why do I continue spending time with someone who is not going to become my long-term/serious partner?  

It makes me wonder- although my past relationships had the best of intentions, they didn't work out, although we went in thinking it would, they according to my sources NOT a waste of time. 

However, a relationship where you know from the start is not going to work IS a waste of time-- even though they both have the same outcome.  

And let's be real- the other relationships, if all parties involved were really honest with themselves, we might say that we went in with the best of intentions, trying really hard, but we probably knew all along that it wasn't going to work out.  

Hmmm.... Something to think about.

I don't know what will happen with me and new guy.  I think he is great and hope for the best.  I am excited to find out what will happen.

Everything always has a way of working out. 

Control

   "If you clear out all the space in your that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot-- a doorway.  And guess what the universe will do with that doorway?  It will rush in -- God will rush in-- and fill you with more love that you ever dreamed.  So stop using David to block that door.  Let it go."
"But I wish David and I could--"
He cut me off.  "See, now that's your problem.  You're wishin' too much, baby.  You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."
"So how long will it be before all this grieving passes?"
"You want an exact date?"
"Yes."
"Somethin' you can circle on your calendar?"
"Yes."
"Lemme tell you something, you got some serious control issues."
   My rage at this statement consumes me like fire.  Control issues?  ME?  I actually consider slapping Richard for this insult.  And then, from right down inside the intensity of my offended outrage comes the truth.  The immediate obvious, laughable truth..
He's totally right.
The fire passes out of me, fast as it came.
     "You're totally right," I say.
"I know I am right, baby.  Listen, you're a powerful woman and you're used to getting what you want out of life, and you didn't get what you wanted in your last few relationships and it's got you all jammed up.  Your husband didn't behave the way you wanted him to and David didn't either.  Life didn't go your way for once.  And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not goin' her way."
"Don't call me a control freak, please."
"You have got control issues.  Come on.  Nobody ever told you that before?"
     So I buck up and admit it.  "OK, I think you're probably right.  Maybe I do have a problem with control.  It's just weird that you noticed.  Because I don't think it's that obvious on the surface.  I mean-- I bet most people can't see my control issues when they first look at me."
  "They can't?  Honey-- Ray Charles could see your control issues!"
"OK, I think I'm done with this conversation now, thank you."
"You gotta learn how to let go.  Otherwise you're gonna make yourself sick.  Never gonna have a good night's sleep again.  You'll just toss and turn forever, beatin' on yourself for being such a fiasco in life.  What's wrong with me?  How come I screw up all my relationships?  Why am I such a failure?  Lemme guess-- that's probably what you were up at all hours doin' to yourself again last night."
     "Alright, that's enough.  I don't want you walking around inside my head anymore."
"Shut the door, then."

--Elizabeth Gilbert.  Eat, Pray, Love.  Pages 150-151

Diary of an Ex-pat

I know I haven't been around in months.  Lots has happened, but haven't written much.  Hopefully I will be able to keep up...
The biggest thing, is I left Barbados. 

I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't stay.  I loved my friends, I loved my job, I loved my yoga and dance classes,  but I loved him too and can't stay where he is (among other reasons) so I am now back in Canada. I need to move on and know I can't move on there .  I was only there for one reason, and no matter the life I am able to build for myself apart from him, I just couldn't stay. 

Some people may look at it as 'quitting' but I see it as doing what is best.  Canada is what is best. 
I often think of my friends that I had (still have as we are in touch often!).  They got me through such a rough time.  It's funny being an ex-pat.  You leave your family and friends behind, to meet new people, who slowly become your friends and family.  You don't know them very long, or at first not even very well, but you are able to bond and connect at a deeper level, because you are all a million miles away from everyone else.  

These friends, who knew me only a short few months, were the people who listened to me cry, (my friends at home did that over the phone too) kept me company, and got me drunk when I needed it.  :)  
I don't know what I would do without them. 

I don't know when I will see them again, or what paths our lives will take.  But they have made such a difference in my life they have no idea.  




Little a
xoxo

Pixie Lott - Turn it Up

The Saturdays - Ego